EATFREAK

Hey – That photo reminds me of a joke I once heard. What has a mouth and doesn’t make it’s own Tortilla Chips? I really freaking lame person!

I don’t care if it’s not funny – it’s true. Here’s the deal. For your money – you are probably eating shit tortilla chips. Maybe you don’t care – fine – eat bullshit chips. But for cheaper than a bag of Doritos you can have better chips than Baja Fresh – yes friends, even better than Poquito Mas. (that’s an L.A. reference for you outsiders). If you live in a town with Trader Joes – get their 99 cent bag of Corn Tortillas (these turn out like a really badass frito) ….. or splurge on their $1.99 handmade ones and live the dream (these turn out like a golden fried deity). If you don’t have a TJs nearby – get a bag of small hand sized tortillas – whichever kind you want – I dig white corn. (I’m guessing I don’t need to mention if you happen to live near a kick ass Mexican Grocery Store – their Tortillas will beat the crap out of the aforementioned ones, and will likely be as cheap if not cheaper)

1 bag tortillas (see above) – cut however you want – classic wedges makes 8 chips per tortilla – strips can be fun – use a cookie cutter and make O.J. Simpson chips – whatever you want.

SOME oil – enough to come up to about an inch in the pan. I like to use Sunflower Oil – Canola is cool – Peanut is real cool. Again – who cares – it’s still going to be better than Doritos.

1. heat the oil in a 10 (ish) inch nonstick pan – or a skillet – whatever. Let it get good and hot. Give it a few minutes.

2. Add chips in batches – about 8 at a time – give them tops 15 seconds on each side. TOPS. near the end that oil will be getting hot and it’ll take less time.

3. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate for a little bit to dry out before chucking them into a big bowl.

4. In the bowl – season with cool stuff. I like just salt and pepper. You can do Lawry’s Salt. a mixture of Mexican Chili Powder and Curry Powder. Celery Salt and a little bit of lime. Shake it all around. Now you’re done.

The only tricky part is getting the timing while doing batches and transferring to that bowl. Don’t let things get burnt. Or do! I don’t know. I like variation in the chips. Sometimes you get a slightly underdone chewy one and sometimes you get a smokey burnt one. Kickass.

This whole thing takes like ten minutes so …. if you don’t do it you’re pretty useless. Also – when you’re done – let the oil cool in the pan then pour it into something you can save it in for later. That oil will be good for about 3 more batches of chips before it starts to give you cancer and kill you.

There you go – Doritos prices – Badass flavor that doesn’t come out of a test tube. I find this whole process to be insanely rewarding and tasty as balls. Super easy. Super good.

Ok love ya gotta go goodbye forever

p.s. about twice a year I get a BIG ASS craving for Doritos and eat a whole bag to myself. judge accordingly.