EATFREAK

Well kids, in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day (and a happy one to you by the way) I’m gonna review another beer. Not a beer you are likely to drink on Patty’s day. No, in fact you should follow my advice and throw together some bad ass Black Velvet’s … http://eatfreak.org/2009/10/21/the-black-velvet/

That’s probably what I will do – I will also enjoy a dinner of boiled corned beef and veg. – and I’ll tell you all about it later.

Right now I want to talk about Ranger – New Belgium Brewery’s first foray into the world of the Pale Ale. The India Pale Ale actually. First off – it’s kind of a bullshit review as New Belgium is easily the the absolute best brewery running in the mainstream beer world right now. I freaking dare you to attempt to dispute that statement. So anyway – yeah – this is a glowing review (spoiler alert).

New Belgium has built their empire on Heavier European based Ales, brewed in a sort of new american way. There is usually not a really Hoppy flavor to their beers. If you don’t know what Hops taste like – go order a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale – that’s what Hops taste like. If you don’t like that beer – you don’t like Hops and stop reading now. Ranger marks the first beer out of New Belgium to have a pronounced Hoppy flavor – and a fucking pronounced Hoppy flavor indeed.

So Review Time:

The Pour – Rad. Beautiful color. Huge head, almost too huge – but I love that. Especially in a Hoppy beer, because there’s an earthy flowery sort of thing to the foam. A+ for looks. She’s gorgeous.

The Smell – I think my neighbors can smell the hops coming off this thing. I guess if you don’t like hops you’d hate this smell – but that’s not really the point. It’s supposed to be an India Pale Ale – so it’ supposed to be hoppy. Some hoppy beers have a bitter kind of gross smell. Not this IPA. It’s a fantastic flower, mildly sour smell. It’s awesome. Another A+.

Taste – What can I say. I am a Californian (I may have mentioned that before) we are the champions of the Pale Ale. Our Sierra Nevada remains the most well known, ordered, and loved of it’s kind in the world. Our Stone Brewery practically kills people with the amount of hops in all of their beers. I dig pale ales, I dig hops. The hops flavor is huge – but not in a bad way. As far as enormously hoppy beers go – I prefer this to what’s coming out of Stone Brewery. Most importantly – the hops are a mouthful, but they somehow manage to not completely cover up any other flavors in there. Underneath all that sour hoppy goodness there’s a really well brewed ale. A+

Conclusion – this is my favorite India Pale Ale in the world (not pale ale … india pale ale .. important distinction) It manages to balance the overwhelming hops you expect from an IPA with straight up amazing brewing quality that we’ve come to expect from New Belgium.

Again – if you don’t dig hops, don’t ever go anywhere near this beer. But if you do dig hops – you are going to fucking love this thing.

So there. Happy Patty’s day – try to take good care of yourself and not kill anything or anyone. But for shit sake – enjoy yourself and enjoy good quality beer – Because today is the day St. Patrick gave his life to free us all from Anheuser Busch.

good bye forever

A word about pickled Jalapenos, if I may ….. FUCK!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! I can’t get enough of this shit. My neighbor and I have discussed our shared disease of slowly picking away at a jar of pickled jalapenos through the evening ’til the whole thing is empty. It’s habits like that that will leave you standing upside down in the shower for a while – if you get my meaning. Lately I can’t seem to find enough uses for these bad boys. Macaroni and Cheese, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, Tapenade, Ceviche, a few drops of the pickling juice in a Bloody Mary (just a few examples) . Do yourself a HUGE favor and go grab a few cans and just chuck them in your pantry. You’ll thank yourself later .. big time. but don’t just grab any can…..

La Morena – The Brunette. Look at her. That sultry temptress. Eyes at half mast. Who can say no to a face like that? Not I. And neither should you. For your money – these are the best Pickled Jalapenos you’re gonna find. But you’re gonna have to look a bit hard to find them. Find your closest Mexican market. You should know where it is anyway. Go there – stock up on all the amazing cool shit they have there – and make sure to grab a bunch of cans of La Morena Pickled Jalapenos. I attribute the kickassness of La Morena to the lack of sugar in the pickling juice. That and the incredible orange packaging. But I honestly don’t give a shit why they’re so awesome. They just are.

I find that I don’t usually use a whole can at a time …so here’s what I do. Get a bullshit glass jar of pickled jalapenos from Ralphs or whatever. I’ll use those for a bit, and enjoy the opportunity to directly compare them to La Morena …. once those are done I dump out their bullshit pickling juice – wash it out and use the jar to store my badass La Morena Jalapenos (don’t forget to include the juice).

Seriously. Pickled Jalapenos. Little Orange Can. Dark sultry woman apparently neck deep in a sea of spicy goodness.

that’s all – goodbye forever

p.s. don’t be afraid when you find some sliced carrots in there with those peppers. Just enjoy the extra bonus. Tasty as hell.

“Papoo’s Hot Dog Show, presenting The Show Burger ….. it’s a show about hot dogs …. and life”. That’s a quote from a friend of mine. And I think it’s kind of true. On the surface Papoo’s is not a show at all. It’s an old school Californian hot dog and burger joint. A throwback to when Burbank, California was practically doubling in size almost every day. G.I.s were returning from World War II and, grateful to be alive, wanted to spend the rest of their days in the sunshine – and they wanted American Burgers and Hot Dogs. Papoo’s gave them a whole freaking show. Well, not really.

So what am I doing here? I’m looking all over Los Angeles for a really bad ass hot dog. That’s what I’m doing here. Yes, yes – we all know the “famous” few hot dog joints in town – their reputations sung far and wide. Their billboards hung high in the sky preaching their hot doggy goodness. In my search I will attend said joints – but not with an open mind – as I’ve been before many times and remain extraordinarily underwhelmed. and (just to get something straight) I’m not including Sausage joints … for instance Wurtskuche. That particular Sausage joint happens to be one of my favorite restaurants on the planet and you can expect a piece on them soon …. but that’s not what I’m looking for. I want a “hot dog”. A straight up, Basic, American, Kickass Hot Dog.

So how’s the show at Papoo’s? It’s good. Just good. I’d rate it better than Pinks or Carney’s for sure. One thing definitely put me off. I sat down and asked the waitress which of the many hot dogs on the menu she called her favorite. Her response was “I don’t eat Hot Dogs”. hm. It was kind of like the twist ending to the “hot dog show”. She directed me to one of the most popular orders – The Chili Dog. It’s exactly what you’d expect. A chili dog straight out of 1949. A time when we hadn’t quite recovered from a steady system of rationing. A time when Plastic could be considered exotic. A time when Tuna Casserole was the height of the American Culinary experience. I don’t want a hot dog to be too gourmet, personally. Hot Dogs should be a quick a dirty experience. They should arrive shortly after ordering (this one did) and they should be finished just as shortly thereafter (this one was).

I haven’t found my favorite dog in LA here – but I’ve definitely found a good one. I’d recommend their burger pretty highly as well, actually. So if you get a chance, I’d say go check out the show at Papoo’s. It’s a great way to experience part of the birth of fast food and the history of America’s “street food”. And it’s a good dog.

On another note. I started up the EATFREAK Facebook page. go sign up – leave comments – wall posts – tell me I’m full of shit. Most Importantly. TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND A KICK ASS HOT DOG IN THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/EATFREAK/358069241161

In the meantime – go the Papoo’s 4300 W. Riverside Dr. Burbank CA 91505

ok that’s all bye forever

Hey – That photo reminds me of a joke I once heard. What has a mouth and doesn’t make it’s own Tortilla Chips? I really freaking lame person!

I don’t care if it’s not funny – it’s true. Here’s the deal. For your money – you are probably eating shit tortilla chips. Maybe you don’t care – fine – eat bullshit chips. But for cheaper than a bag of Doritos you can have better chips than Baja Fresh – yes friends, even better than Poquito Mas. (that’s an L.A. reference for you outsiders). If you live in a town with Trader Joes – get their 99 cent bag of Corn Tortillas (these turn out like a really badass frito) ….. or splurge on their $1.99 handmade ones and live the dream (these turn out like a golden fried deity). If you don’t have a TJs nearby – get a bag of small hand sized tortillas – whichever kind you want – I dig white corn. (I’m guessing I don’t need to mention if you happen to live near a kick ass Mexican Grocery Store – their Tortillas will beat the crap out of the aforementioned ones, and will likely be as cheap if not cheaper)

1 bag tortillas (see above) – cut however you want – classic wedges makes 8 chips per tortilla – strips can be fun – use a cookie cutter and make O.J. Simpson chips – whatever you want.

SOME oil – enough to come up to about an inch in the pan. I like to use Sunflower Oil – Canola is cool – Peanut is real cool. Again – who cares – it’s still going to be better than Doritos.

1. heat the oil in a 10 (ish) inch nonstick pan – or a skillet – whatever. Let it get good and hot. Give it a few minutes.

2. Add chips in batches – about 8 at a time – give them tops 15 seconds on each side. TOPS. near the end that oil will be getting hot and it’ll take less time.

3. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate for a little bit to dry out before chucking them into a big bowl.

4. In the bowl – season with cool stuff. I like just salt and pepper. You can do Lawry’s Salt. a mixture of Mexican Chili Powder and Curry Powder. Celery Salt and a little bit of lime. Shake it all around. Now you’re done.

The only tricky part is getting the timing while doing batches and transferring to that bowl. Don’t let things get burnt. Or do! I don’t know. I like variation in the chips. Sometimes you get a slightly underdone chewy one and sometimes you get a smokey burnt one. Kickass.

This whole thing takes like ten minutes so …. if you don’t do it you’re pretty useless. Also – when you’re done – let the oil cool in the pan then pour it into something you can save it in for later. That oil will be good for about 3 more batches of chips before it starts to give you cancer and kill you.

There you go – Doritos prices – Badass flavor that doesn’t come out of a test tube. I find this whole process to be insanely rewarding and tasty as balls. Super easy. Super good.

Ok love ya gotta go goodbye forever

p.s. about twice a year I get a BIG ASS craving for Doritos and eat a whole bag to myself. judge accordingly.

Hey

Let’s try this again. I’m John Graney. I’m a moron. I have no organizational skills whatsoever. I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew – literally and figuratively. Hence, the blog about food (biting … chewing) that I cannot seem to keep up with ( … more than I can ….). Again – I am not a chef or a food professional of any kind. I am a musician – which means I have large periods of time that are free, and large periods of time that are completely booked up. I’m sad to say that my original structure for this blog took an unreasonable amount of concentration and preparation from me – too much commitment for me to keep up with. Therefor in order to keep this bad boy running, there is going to have to be some major douching. Over the next few days I am going to be redesigning and restructuring this blog so it allows me to give you people what you want: Recipes, Images and Articles about various things which taste either ridiculously good or unfathomably disgusting, all told in a sort of closed minded and overly judgmental vernacular while incorporating a heavy handed dose of expletives and other childish language devices. Sound about right?

In the meantime I leave you with this age old classic:

Jicama Sticks a la kickass

1 jicama – peeled – use a big ass knife and be very careful. (I’ve only ever cut myself twice in the kitchen – one of those times was when cutting a jicama) Then chop it into french fry sized sicks

lime juice – um …. some. maybe 2ish limes worth – it’s up to you really.

Chili powder – get mexican chili powder if you can – otherwise, whatever. Again, the exact measurement is “some”. As much as you want.

1. Throw the jicama sticks in a big bowl – squeeze lime juice all over it until the sticks are decently coated – shake chili powder over the sticks, stirring frequently until you have the amount that you want.

NOW EAT!!!! This is one of the healthiest most addictive and amazing snacks of all time. Good substitute for a light side salad. Also works as a snooty ass gourmet party starter. Yay Jicama!!

There. That should keep you happy for a minute while I clean shit up around here.

love ya gotta go bye