EATFREAK

Clamato.  Loved or Feared.  Mostly feared.  Misunderstood?  Certainly.  Those of you who choose not to partake like to squish up your face all weird at the very mention, while those of us who do partake sit around and share Clamato sex fantasies.

My family loves to tell the stories of small children crawling around with Clamato in their baby bottles.  These stories are true.  I had Clamato in my bottle when I was an infant.  I remember the day my brother poured Clamato into his first born daughter’s bottle.  I know it’s fucked up.  what?  Well, it’s not actually fucked up.  It is kind of cultish and odd.  The point is, I grew up on the stuff and find it as common place as water.

Most people treat Clamato like Alien Piss.  They fear it while simultaneously convincing themselves that it can’t possibly exist.  Perhaps not “most people” – but I’ve been surprised to see how many people just cant freaking handle the concept of it.

So – let’s get it out of the way.  What Is Clamato?  In essence, it’s a tomato juice cocktail.  One of the ingredients that makes up this cocktail is indeed dried Clam Broth – Hence …. CLAMato.  (this is the part where most people squish their face up all weird …… feel free).

If you didn’t squish up your face – if you have no problem with that idea – or if you are one of us (those who enjoy Clamato frequently)   This Post is not for you … but feel free to read on.

For those of you who did squish your face up …. get over it.  Clamato rules.  I get it.  I understand (to an extent) that the idea of clams in your tomato juice may seem strange ….  did I say “I understand”?   Sorry.  I’m gonna retract that  (retract but not erase …  what a prick).  If you do not hate clams, there is no reason to have a problem with this.  Haven’t you ever had a Clam based Pasta dish?  Kick ass sweaty tomatoey steamy clammy goodness?  Come on!!  It’s not a crazy concept.

Nothing pisses me off more than a closed mind – especially about food.  That is not to say that everyone should have an enormous wide spread palate and you suck if you don’t love everything.  That’s not true at all.  But if you dismiss something without giving it an open minded chance – you’re a moron.  There are no rocket jetpacks, you are never going to shoot at bad guys while hanging from a helicopter, or hang out in a tree with your friend cartoon dragon.  FOOD is one of the only real adventures, people.  Certainly the easiest one we’ve all got access to.  If you are not adventurous in any other aspect of your whole life, at least you can try to be where food is concerned.

So – with that in mind – drink Clamato – now.  Do it with an open mind.  Don’t think about the Clam thing.  Forget what it is entirely.  In my opinion the whole clam flavor thing is pretty freaking mild – often not even noticeable.  The real thing you will definitely notice about Clamato is the Garlic flavor.  It’s more Garmato than Clamato.

Here’s the thing.  Most people aren’t going to just drink a glass of Clamato (as I did this morning) – I understand that.  That’s not generally what it’s for anyway.  I understand if you find it a strange beverage, but it’s not just a beverage.  Clamato is a staple in many recipes I make – and it’s a really unique way of throwing some very cool flavors into a lot of dishes.  It’s an awesome addition to Gazpacho.  Any seafood soups with a tomato broth get really kick ass when you add Clamato.  Not to mention the Bloody Mary for Pete’s sake (does that count as a second Pete’s Dragon reference?)  Jesus!  Now, I’ve had a number of really really good Bloody Mary’s that did not have Clamato in them … sure … but I didn’t inhale, and I did not like it.  It’s cool to actually combine regular tomato juice with Clamato for a Bloody Mary.

I want to officially start Clamato Awareness week.  I’m gonna look into this.  I’ll let you know what I come up with.

I do have one issue with Clamato – which I’ve developed recently.  Lately I try very hard to avoid foods that are made in Labs instead of Kitchens.  Mostly the idea is to stay away from things with to many ingredients that have impossible science words in them.  It’s just an idea, not a law, or even a rule – but I try to follow it as a guideline.  Clamato definitely does contain the dreaded “High Fructose Corn Syrup”.  It is for this reason I try to use it more sparingly these days.  BUT Far More Importantly – it is why I have started the Eat Freak Clamato Challenge.  I will begin, shortly, testing various recipes for a homemade Clamato.  The intention is to come up with a recipe that is reasonably cost effective (as close to buying a bottle of Clamato as possible) that can serve as a suitable substitute.  If you’d like to give it a try I’d love to hear about your attempts.  I’ll be posting mine here for your enjoyment – successes and failures.

Before I go, I will leave you with a link to the recipe section of Clamato.com – I think some of the stuff their looks pretty awesome – you should try some of it out.

http://www.clamato.com/en/recipes/food/

Hey – at least it’s not Beefamato.  Yep.  the photo is real.  Can’t make this shit up.

ok bye.

p.s.  sorry about the tiny font.  i cannot, for the life of me, get this thing to work today.